Accidents and Pretty Girls (or How Not To Woo A Woman)

by The Bookshop Band

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  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    Artwork by Bjorn Lie

    Includes unlimited streaming of Accidents and Pretty Girls (or How Not To Woo A Woman) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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1.
There’s a story waiting inside Behind the door, as it opens wide And I wander in, hoping to find something As they tell the stories we know And those we don’t are waiting to be held, And taken home There’s a strange man inside Who knows what I like He’ll rush with tea to my side And a stack of books piled high If I’m lucky enough there will be lots of stuff That makes me smile inside In a shop with books in…. Shelves stacked high, fills my eyes Cant describe, who knows what you’ll find A lovely lady guides me through I smell the pages, excitement grew How glad am I to be In company, of such Purveyors of quality Her knowledge is vast, Her hand reaches out And pulls the spine of a beautifully bound Book of delights, Picked especially for me I’m so happy in a shop with books in….
2.
It was on that fateful day you saw me dancing in the bar Your eyes caught mine and so I came and whispered in your ear I hadn’t thought of what to say or what you thought of me But it seemed to go pretty well and we left early Move on now seven months and we were married by the shore With the two of us together we never wanted more I’ll get a job to feed us and a home to keep us warm And in a year or so I think our children will be born. So onwards seven years and our little boy is five I used to think I’d save him but at least he’s still alive We’ll have our ups and downs but I know our love will win So I’ll never leave this journey, not even at the end. Fast forward 20 years and I’ll have been a lucky man Our children will have grown and left the house back in our hands We’ll grow old by the seaside and we’ll drink tea in the car And I picture us beneath a grave, in each others arms. But now I catch myself as I am dancing in the bar A little over-thinking, and perhaps a stage too far I’ll just enjoy the moment, any more and I would be Too scared to dance like a fool, and you’d never see me
3.
I wake in the morning just before dawn Uhtceare my dreamery’s gone Thinking there’s so much to do and no time Day-peep comes but the sun doesn’t shine Cunctuation I can’t face the day Pissaprest, hope it goes away The rum-peeper shows me my pimginnits I’m trying fucation to cover my zits I can’t be bothered to straighten my hair I’m cymotrichous and I don’t care Most of my clothes are second hand I’m a ragabash cos I’m in a band I’m in need of ariston and a butter-shag My cackling farts are over done My toast is brizzled and Brizzle’s my home It’s time to leave it with my cello And more, to oxter lift and go It’s the day of the gig at the bookshop The band must charette and write till we drop It’s a panic party but a jolly one As long as we Chado to help us with songs Ben is our host and makes pots of tea We’re about to be golopshusly bedinnered you’ll see His cackling farts are just spot on There’s cheesy toast within this home Now it’s time to leave it with our big load And more, to oxter lift and go Waiting for people to turn up and sit Nervously practising this little bit Fisking around the bookshop and then The author and audience, ladies and men Now we’re at the song’s eschaton Soon to be quafftide for this little one. Nod-crafty people say they listened hard Now to be vinolent, hand me a glass. My fackling carts are over done My head is Brizzled or is that my home? It’s time to leave with David’s sow And more to oxter lift and go.
4.
The second wife of Henry Was accused of adultery Oh yes, oh yes says Thomas You see she wont bring a baby She’s no good to his country Oh no, please arrest her Thomas She might come gracefully For the sake of her family But oh, take no chances Thomas Go and find her lovers That includes her brother Oh no, that’s what they say, Thomas I need no sympathy I need no sympathy From you, from you, from you Thomas I’ll be found guilty On the King’s authority Oh well, well if you say, Thomas But the King’s shown mercy He’s not going to burn me Oh no, well there’s hope yet Thomas I’ll be kind to her Said the French executioner Oh so, well forgive me Thomas So she held her body For all the crowd to see Oh yeah, to see the blood flow Thomas And as he distracted her Swung the French executioner You’re the best, You make the best plans, Thomas
5.
Not one for politics Difficult in social situations, parties Always seemed to upset all the arty crowd And women he was trying to impress Lavicini gave him a purpose And an interest in historical drama Wanted to find reasons for theatrical disaster Ending in hysterical palaver, a farce And women always feature in these things Followed a girl west as far as America Where finally he found her working for a scientist who thought He could move mountains and Murder any man in the way There were lots of political and Personal agendas Didn’t see it coming in Berlin or a nation, or a whole wide war Blinded by society or ketamine Ooooohh…. Found himself a long way from home Found the one but left alone He painted the Devil on the Wall of his early years But found there was more than Accidents and pretty girls What’s the one thing That could uproot almost anything A teleportation machine A love that had a hold over him A teleportation machine
6.
When you swanned through I want to know you And we’re making something nice That perhaps our friends will buy I take old books that I find And a feather from your side I love you. Who are you? And I feel like moving fast Getting married, and all that But I’ve yet to know you long And where you get your feathers from Come in, closer And we’re making something nice That perhaps our friends will buy And I take old books I find And a feather from your side And I feel like moving fast Getting married, and all that But I’ve yet to know you long And where you get your feathers from And I want you to move in I want to know everything But it’s time that makes us sing For the feathers make your wings
7.
Make a story 05:43
I create, make mistakes You create, make mistakes I feel a fire in me If you forgive you’ll set me free I feel a fire in me Burns my blood you’ll see We debate, make mistakes Celebrate, love and hate Make a story, make history I see a fire in you I’ll forgive and you’ll be true I see a fire in you Burns your blood it’s true Volcano, please let go. I need to know. Clean the slate, watch our fate We create, make mistakes Tell a story, tell history I feel a fire in me If you’ll forgive you’ll set me free I see a fire in you I’ll forgive and you’ll be true
8.
Helen's game 03:56
Convinced that they were the same She started playing her game And knowing nothing she was able to persuade herself of everything And his impression on her mind was made He who has no name She knew nothing but his face And the way he had behaved that day And the comfort he displayed In the repetition of small unnecessary acts She was the type who felt no intimation was too delicate to exist it or perhaps just to vain to describe. But it’s in his eyes, well it’s in his eyes, It’s in his eyes Oh and an unfamiliar face allows us to create A perfection in our midst that might never exist But we believe it all the same Like the conclusion that you drew from that bit of me you saw In that slight piece of time when I might have been flawed I might have been flawed, I might have been flawed Oh by your eyes, by your eyes, I might have been flawed By your shoes and your hair and that book I’ve read before That you had in your hand, and you held to your face Trying to pretend you weren’t staring my way And her impression on his mind was made And convinced they were the same Knowing nothing he was able to persuade himself of everything Like the conclusion that you drew from that bit of me you saw In that slight piece of time when I might have been flawed I might have been flawed, I might have been flawed My edges were left blurred for fantasy to occur You laid your claim on the vision of me you’d made My edges were left blurred for fantasy to occur You laid your claim on the vision of me you’d made
9.
The first thing I do is call for you Now that you’re gone. It’s easy to forget Remembering when we met… It’s clear in my mind. I see. Now we’re far apart Mistakes we made We’re breaking our hearts The thing I do is call for you Now that I’m gone. It’s easy to forget Remembering when we met. It’s clear in my mind I see Now we’re far apart Mistakes we made We’re breaking our hearts You left me at the start, where I remain You’re breaking my heart I never knew these open skies And now that you are back inside my mind Remembering when we met I’m changing my mind. I see Though we’re far apart Mistakes we made We’re breaking our hearts You and me, we’ve made a start So there’s a chance of mending our hearts
10.
Midnight at the Nursing Academy Flesh out, I know they can’t see me But they reach for my hand Like somehow they understand me Lights out at the Nursing Academy They’ll sleep, but how will I see? For when you’re gone I feel truly alone You left us back in Paris, You don’t, visit. You left us back in Paris… I’ve lost my Nursing Academy It’s not here, where could it be? Oh what a bother Must find another I’ll find my Nursing Academy Held in a secret library In the pages That’s where my love is Have you come here to claim us? Save us, play with us?
11.
How this day seems long Deception sings it’s song With tales of disguise and delusion Masking a face, ears can embrace Words that are meant for amusing He be a boy , playing a girl Dressed as a boy for confusion For better or for worse A doctor not a nurse Did save a life in conclusion. Antonio was full of woe Unfortunate merchant did throw All that he had for the taking Borrowing and making bonds His love for Bassinio strong He hoped that his bonds wouldn’t break him. The ships at sea they didn’t win No mercy Shylock had on him The bond was a pound of flesh, then… Bassinio lost his ring It could have cost him everything The doctor his wife gave a testing. Revenge is a theme, there’s sibling rivalry And Much Ado for a short play. They all end up fooled and some over ruled An ass some are called and will surely pay. Light hearted cupid spies The rivals tell such lies Accusing an innocent lady Hero and Claudio Were challenged by a foe Now let’s all dance and be merry There’s competition in the wit Of Beatrice and Benedick But by a trick they draw nearer They think the other loves them true Though the attributes are few The joker he can’t help but hear her Rosalind now a boy To run away was her ploy But love was a stronger emotion Familiar was she to her family None but her cus knew the notion. She knew her passion wouldn’t fade She had to refuse other maids Causing a deal of confusion Orsino was her biggest fan Of her apparel as a man Which showed up his love and devotion Garnished as a boy Viola found her joy But could not say where her heart fell For his heart was gone, Olivia it set on Triangle of love. Could it end well? How now Malvolio Cruel pranks have left you low The lady she likes not your garters Grinning like a silly clown When she’d prefer to see you frown Perhaps take the tights off for starters A sister and a brother found Both had thought the other drowned The girl had no longer a dress on. Caused the duke and lady fair To manly pair All came clear in confession. In such a night… I think it might be fun To confuse everyone By changing my name and cross dressing But I think that they might see That it was really me To be or not to be is the question Then Bassinio lost his ring It could have cost him everything The doctor his wife gave a testing. There’s competition in the wit Of Beatrice and Benedick But by a trick they draw nearer Orsino was her biggest fan Of her apparel as a man Which showed up his love and devotion How now Malvolio Cruel pranks have left you low The lady she likes not your garters In such a night
12.
13.

about

An album of literary wooing - some successful, many less so, featuring the band’s responses to The Unlikely Pilgrimage Of Harold Fry (Rachel Joyce - bells, reads), The Horologicon (Mark Forsyth - harmonica, vocals, commentary), The Teleportation Accident (Ned Beauman), The Crane Wife (Patrick Ness), A Day In The Life Of A Smiling Woman (Margaret Drabble), Bring Up The Bodies (Hilary Mantel as well as As You Like It, Much Ado About Nothing, and Twelfth Night (William Shakespeare).

credits

released February 14, 2017

All tracks written and produced by The Bookshop Band. The extract from The Unlikely Pilgrimage of Harold Fry appears on track 12 courtesy of the author. Tracks 1, 2, 3, 5, 9 and 10 recorded at Realworld Studios. Tracks 4, 6 and 11 recorded at home, track 7 recorded at Christchurch (Rode), track 8 recorded at Ashley Manor. Extra recording at Rachel Joyce’s house, Mark Forsyth’s house, The Open Book (Wigtown), Jools’ house, Emma Hooper’s house, Caroline’s bathroom, Pete’s house. All tracks mixed by Ben Please, except track 1 and 2 by Marco Migliari, and track 4 which was mixed by Richard Evans at The Labour Exchange (Bath). All engineered by Ben Please, except track 4 with James King. String arrangements by Beth Porter and Ben Please.
Mastered by Marco Migliari
Artwork by Bjorn Lie (www.bjornlie.com)
Case design by Ben Please
Cases printed and cut by Opal Print, inserts by Richard Lawrence, disks by Key Production.
Those who directly helped with the recording include Marco Migliari, Mark Forsyth, Rachel Joyce, all the musicians who played with us, Brauner microphones and Louis Austin, Microtech Gefell GmbH microphones and Sound Link Pro Audio, Grace Designs, Leigh Haggerwood, James King, Richard Evans, Will Cookson, Steve Belgrave, Mike Hillier, Stuart Bruce, Chris Hughes and Ashley Manor, Universal Audio, UA Digital and Source Distribution, Realworld Studios, The Wigtown Book Festival and The Open Book, Nigel and Jackie at Rave Box Studios, Owen Benson, Anna Botterell and Andrew Hooker Violins, Keith Lunt and co. at Opal Print and Richard Lawrence, Vivi Tobies & Paul Walton. Big thank you also to Caroline Waterlow and Ashley Harrow.
Thank you to all our Patreon supporters, past and present, including James Patterson and Alan Squire Publishing, and our song sponsors (see tracks for details). Special thank you to Bjorn Lie for producing a beautiful piece of art for the album.
Thank you to Nic and Juliette Bottomley and ALL the staff at Mr B’s Emporium of Reading Delights in Bath for curating our reading.
And an enormous flood of gratitude to all the wonderful authors and bookshops who have inspired the songs on this album. Thank you.

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The Bookshop Band Bath, UK

The Bookshop Band write songs inspired by books and play them in bookshops. They started as a collaboration between a group of musicians in Bath and their local independent bookshop, Mr B's Emporium. Now they are about to go on tour, sponsored by Vintage Books and Independent Booksellers Week, around other bookshops and lit fests. Catch them if you can. Details at www.thebookshopband.co.uk ... more

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